“I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand-from my own eyes and ears! I’m sorry-forgive me. I’ll never do that again, I promise! I’ll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor.”

Job 42:5-6

I wonder how many of us live on “crusts of hearsay and rumor” of who God is, what he is like, and what he expects and requires.

Much suffering

It’s not lost on me that Job’s revelation comes after much suffering, pain, and subsequent wrestling and even accusing God.

And so I wonder… Could it be that suffering is the only gateway to firsthand knowledge of our Creator?  Could it be that failure is actually the only stepping stone to a deeper understanding?

I realize this is not a very American view of Christianity.  In a culture that idolizes success as the primary thing, suffering is to be avoided, spurned, rebuked, and cast off at all costs.

But, might we corporately and individually be living on “crumbs of hearsay” and missing out on true relationship with God and each other as we rush through moments and seasons of struggle that assault our sense of justice and what we think we’re owed?

In our attempt to “cast off sin” quickly, could it be we are not learning anything about ourselves as we abort the process of understanding the very brokenness that drives those appetites and lusts?

Like an anorexic model, we choose appearing pretty and “all together” while settling for the malnutrition of mere “crumbs”.

A new prayer

With Job, may we echo a new prayer in church life that says… 

“I’m sorry-forgive me.  I’ll never do that again, I promise!” because our hunger to know God “firsthand-with our own eyes and ears” is greater than our desire to avoid all pain in order to project the image of put-togetherness and perfection.