Like many of you, I’ve spent some time over the past few days reflecting on 2018 and looking ahead to 2019. Of course, there have been tough spots and low points just like any other year. Because my nature is to only focus on areas that need improvement, I’m aiming to celebrate more.
My Best Nine for 2018 on Instagram
This list took some effort and I think it’s solid. And, I feel a deep sense of gratitude. Some of these are a bit more personal. Others might seem self-congratulating. But, my hope and prayer is that through my sharing, it will inspire you to look back and find those gifts from God in your own life. We don’t deserve them, yet because of God’s generosity and love, we have the freedom to enjoy them.
I also hope it challenges you to reach higher in 2019. When I look at this list, I certainly feel that. I’m humbled and grateful but also ready to get after it.
So, without shame or qualification, I invite you to celebrate 2018 with me. Here’s my Top 100 for 2018:
“I’m doing great! Work is good. Just finished up a huge project. The kids are busy with soccer and music lessons. My wife is leading a small group at church and is really into it. We’re busy but life is grand!”
That wasn’t the question asked. I didn’t ask for a list of activities or what you are accomplishing. I asked… “How are you?
It’s been said so many times before that it’s become a cliche’. You are a “human-being”… not a “human-doing”. But, we rarely stop long enough to change the flow of this tide.
Our identity is wrapped up in what we’ve done, are doing, and will do. I’ve got a lot of friends in vocational ministry and there’s no other place where this is more true.
Several months ago, I received a call to work for a couple weeks on a commercial job. I had just finished a feature film and welcomed the change of pace. The client was a national brand and the agency needed someone local on the ground who knew the area. The inital conversation with the producer was extremely positive and I thought it would be some good fun. Besides, I didn’t have anything else going so I said, “yes.”
When the out of town production staff arrived, everything quickly changed. What was to be a challenging yet enjoyable shoot spiralled into one of the most toxic work environments I’ve ever been in. Even more than the previous project I had been on which was pretty bad.
I just recently finished a wonderful book by David A. Price called The Pixar Touch. In it, the author chronicles the rise of the computer-animation pioneer and follows the founders’ unrelenting quest to produce the first full-length feature animated movie.
For years, Pixar sold computer hardware as it’s core business before getting the opportunity to pursue their dream and passion. What a lesson in patience and “keeping your eye on the ball.”
Every story is interesting and compelling if you look hard enough. I believe we can learn multiple lessons from every book. This one is no exception. Many business and life lessons can be gained from the Pixar story but one encounter stands out. In the past week, there’s been a lot of reflection on the life of Steve Jobs and his impact on culture.
Of course, this book wouldn’t be complete without spending considerable time on the role of CEO, Steve Jobs. His commencement speech at Stanford University in 2005 reveals a man who matured and learned a great deal about what is truly important. This story isn’t about that man. It’s about the much younger Steve Jobs.
The Story
It’s 1986. Steve Jobs has been fired from Apple, the company he founded. Lucasfilms owns Pixar (not their name at the time). All Pixar wants to do is make computer-animated films. This means they aren’t focused on developing the digital sound and video editing systems Lucasfilms wants. Not to mention the boring electronic accounting programs. These are the reasons George Lucas bought them in the first place.
I spent last week driving up and down the length of my state. I was working on some commercials for the Department of Tourism. I had a blast. I met new people. Worked with a new crew. Saw places I’d never seen before. After 1400 miles, our final destination for filming was Gulf Shores. We wrapped and after a late night at the karaoke bar (I’ve got rap skills) I headed to bed.
I was out of gas…
On the way home, I stopped two hours into my trip to fuel up only to realize I left my wallet at the hotel. The nearest Wells Fargo was forty miles away and I was on empty… in the middle of nowhere.
Have you ever been in trouble? Ever been stranded? Have you ever had one of those “what now” moments? In those times, it’s usually never “what do I do” that gets the job done. It’s almost always, “who do I call?”
A couple of phone calls, twenty minutes later, a bit of embarrassment and my tank was full. I called a friend who called his dad. Before he left, he mentioned that work was slow and asked me to pray for his situation. Just the day before, I had texted a friend of mine asking for the same.
Because of my relationship, I didn’t go without when caught in a jam. I’ve been blessed with some incredible friends. And, I’m convinced there are few places in the world I could go and not have the safety net of relationships if needed.
It doesn’t matter what you need
Your relationships are your greatest resource. They are more valuable than money or clout. More valuable than fame or success.
Your relationships are your greatest resource. They are more valuable than money or clout. More valuable than fame or success.
Do you need:
wisdom
finance
laughter
a couch to sleep on
comfort
perspective
someone to carry the casket
accountability
companionship
someone to watch your dog
prayer
a ride to the airport
someone to cry with
correction
permission to feel angry
Who’s on your list?
Of course, the purpose of relationships isn’t just about ifilling a need. But, that’s for another discussion. The point is, it doesn’t matter what you need, you will find the answer in your relationships. This means, you better cultivate some deep ones.
A good question to ask yourself is: Who’s on your list when the poo hits the fan?
A much better question to ponder is: Who has you on their list?
A couple weeks ago, my wife and I celebrated fourteen years of marriage. By no means a veteran couple of decades. But, I can say after fourteen years of great joys and quite a few disappointments, the loss of a child and the toll it takes on the relationship, we have learned a lot.
One of the things we’ve learned is to love the person and not the ideal.
You know… the ideal of marriage or the ideal of who you think that person is or should be.
noun 1 no woman could be the ideal he imagined for himself: perfection, paragon, epitome, shining example, ne plus ultra, nonpareil, dream.
Most of the time when you marry, you don’t know who you are, much less who the other person really is. And, marriage is going to change you. It’s going to change them. More accurately, it’s going to reveal the true person versus the person you’ve created in your head.
You’re not the person I married
There comes a moment in every relationship when you realize, “You’re not the person I married.” Yes they are. They’re not the ideal you married but make no mistake, they are the person.
This is especially true for young couples going into “ministry.” Here’s why:
He has a persona that is expressed from behind the microphone or in that setting where his leadership “gifting” is being exhibited. You are NOT marrying that. You are marrying him and those are two different things.
And, I’m sure she would make the perfect little pastor’s wife but those expectations come from outside. They work their way in and take up residence. And it’s toxic. You are marrying her. Not the ideal that together you’ll make a great team so you can go out, “grab the world by the tail, pull it down and put it in your pocket.”
I think this can be true in every relationship. Change the context and window dressing but you’ll still find the temptation to love the ideal and not the person.
And… you’ll… be… disappointed… every… time.
Instead, toss all that stuff out and simply love the person. Flaws and all. Give grace and permission for them to simply be them.
That’s the best gift you can give to the world. A better you.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t grow or work at becoming a better you. In fact, that’s the best gift you can give your family. That’s the best gift you can give to the world. A better you.
But that’s the key. A better you. Not a better them. Focus on that and I promise you’ll be happier, they’ll be happier, and the odds of becoming a veteran couple of decades will improve dramatically.
Benaiah comes over with tears in his eyes and says, “EMERGENCY!!!” He tilts his head back so I can look in his nose and I calmly say, “You’re good. You’re not bleeding. Did you scratch yourself or something?”
“No, there’s a Lego stuck up in there.”
Shaking his head he says, “No, there’s a Lego stuck up in there.” At this point in the story, I’d like to say that I remained calm, cool, and collected. But, I didn’t. My response went something Iike…
“Oh no! Why would you stick a Lego up your nose? Honey, get off the phone, we’re probably going to the emergency room. Ben, why would you do this? Don’t ever do that again. Oh man.”
Now, in my defense, I looked in his nose and there was most assuredly NOT a Lego up in there which means there was a Lego WAY up in there. So I had a bit of a reason to freak out, at least a little.
We went to the bathroom and one good, hard blow later and the Lego was in my hand. I know it’s gross but I was thankful to have the ironically green Lego piece in my hand and not the recesses of my son’s nasal and sinus cavity.
The lesson I learned
He cried a little bit and I was relieved but as we sat there watching Astro-Boy later that evening, I reflected back on my response…. or rather, my reaction. Not that I freaked out all that much but, I should have remained a bit more calm.
Later in life, when my son has something really important to tell me, I don’t want him to be afraid of my reaction. I don’t want him to hold it in like we sometimes do, only to try and navigate whatever situation or problem he’s facing on his own.
At times, we all suffer silently in temptation, sin, guilt, grief, fear or depression because we’re afraid of how others will react.
At times, we all suffer silently in temptation, sin, guilt, grief, fear or depression because we’re afraid of how others will react. We’ve got to do a better job of confessing to one another. But more than that, we’ve got to be the kind of people others can confess to because in the end…
The other night, a friend and I stopped at a gas station just outside Nashville on our way home from the Montgomery Gentry video shoot. I went inside to grab some snacks for the late night drive home and my interaction with the attendant (we’ll call him George) went something like this:
George: Is that gonna do it for ya?
Me: Yep. (Pause) Oh, and this Powerbar. Don’t know why I kept it in my hand.
George: Do you have cash? Cause you can’t pay with a credit or debit card for that.
Me: I can’t use my debit card?
George: Not for that. Everything else is fine except for that. It’s against the law to pay for it with a credit card.
Me: It’s against the law to pay for the Powerbar with my credit card? That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.
George: Where are you from, son?
Me: Birmingham. But why does that matter?
George: Well, up here it’s illegal to pay for that with a credit or debit card.
Me: That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Why in the world would that be illegal?
George: Well, they probably don’t want people running up debt by coming in here buying a bunch of them all at the same time.
Me: That’s hilarious! Stupidest law I’ve ever heard of in my life. I can’t believe it’s illegal in Tennessee to pay for a Powerbar with my credit or debit card no matter how many I want to buy at one time. I should be able to buy as many as I want even if in this case it only happens to be one.
George: Did you say “Powerbar?” I thought you said “PowerBall.”
Funny how one small misunderstood word can change an entire conversation. Communication would be much more effective if we would just back up and clarify what we said instead of expecting the other person to magically understand where we’re coming from.
